Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Randomize
