Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
