Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
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