Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Randomize