Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize