I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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