im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
