kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Randomize
