When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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