apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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