the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
