I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Randomize
