he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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