in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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