We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize