why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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