Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
