don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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