Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
