Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
