There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
