Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize