and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
