the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
