when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize