"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Randomize
