i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
