THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
