when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
