He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
