I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
