I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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