im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
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