We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize