Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Randomize
