I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
