I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
