i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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