halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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