After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
