Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
