he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
We have started to decorate penises.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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