she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
