NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Randomize