just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
