I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
