The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Randomize
