so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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