She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
