im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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