So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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