If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
