Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
