when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
