i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
