my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
