I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
