Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
is wine microwaveable?
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
