do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
