May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
