How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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