I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Porn is love you can see.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
