i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
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